Realtorbros

preface: 512 Realty bought the property management company that owned my apartment complex in late 2008. My life has been completely turned upside down since then. Sometimes I feel like I live in a “slum.” I don’t need to be pushed around by realtorbros any longer.

The realtor bro. Possibly the worst brand of bro with whom I’ve EVER interacted. I feel that the realtorbro goes through a very simple transition into the brofessional world. After he receives his worthless degree from the College of Brommunications or even a slightly less worthless degree from McBrombs School of Broness, this man celebrates! All of his bros are totally jealous because they’re getting through college on the “six-year plan.”

Bro seeks employment. It’s a tough world out there, even for a business bro. But there’s a silver lining on the dark cloud of this bro’s future: the perfect opportunity for a quick, big bucks and a life of half-assed attempts at service. This bro goes out and gets a Texas Real Estate License (he was able to borrow the $400 from dadbro for a 150-hour online course).

The excitement begins. Bro buys a new pair of jeans to fit in with the rest of his realtorbro colleagues. Totally worth the $280 to sell property in style.

Realtorbro is happy. He found his “thing.” Sometimes he even helps his property management company plan the remodeling process for out-dated, out-of-style, rotting apartment complexes such as mine. He follows through with a project to fill in that swimming pool, which he calls an “eyesore.” It is slowly replaced with a concrete slab with two tall blocks of stone in the middle. It’s a total “urban desert” scene — it looks so 21st Century.

Realtorbro calls tenants like myself and asks if they wouldn’t mind moving out early so they can do some “much-needed” improvements on the interior of the apartments, such as replacing the carpet with the fresh “finished concrete” look. Carpet is so 70s.

Tenants like myself begin to complain that the water temperature has recently become inconsistent. Although the water heater worked in the past, now a hot shower can never really be expected. Tenants like myself plead for a repair.

Repairbro arrives early Wednesday morning. He turns on the hot water. It’s working fine. He tells tenants like myself that the water heater is really old and it’s been acting up. But since it’s working at the moment, “there’s really nothing that can be done.”

I wonder what realtorbro would have to say about this.